"The only person holding you back is you!" - Jack Holt, Stelram Engineering Ltd
DEPRESSED? ~ LOW SELF-ESTEEM? ~ RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS?
Are YOU happy with what You
believe about Yourself?
Can Personal Therapy help You to lead a more fulfilling life?
Negative
Thoughts!!
Do you sometimes find yourself thinking thoughts such as.…
- I'm not worthy
- Nobody likes me
- I can't do that
- I'm bad
- I can't make it work
- People find me boring
- I'm disgusting
- I'm useless
- I'm so shy I can't cope with meeting people
- I can't stop myself from doing that...
- Members of the Opposite Sex don't find me attractive
It's amazing how many sophisticated and intelligent people suffer from such unhealthy,
unwholesome and unhelpful thoughts.
These are what in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) we call 'limiting beliefs' and
in Cognitive Psychology 'maladaptive schemas'. They lower our self-esteem and reduce
our self-efficacy (Albert Bandura's 1977 term for our belief in our ability to acquire
and use learning and resources for our benefit). Limiting beliefs stop us doing what
we want to do and having fulfilling lives. They blight our personal relationships
and hinder our career development.
Such beliefs usually have deep roots in childhood or traumatic experiences. Such
beliefs are acquired or developed to serve what our Unconscious Mind perceives as
a useful purpose at that point in time. Even debilitating beliefs - such as "I am
unworthy" - will have served an apparently-useful purpose at some point – eg: suppressing
self-expression to escape the wrath of a bullying parent.
Deep and powerful limiting beliefs may even hinder the brain's bio-chemical development
of what Spiral Dynamics calls vMEMES (neurologically-based coping mechanisms) which
enable us to deal with life's many varied challenges.
Conversely, our operating vMEMES will influence the way we attribute cause and effect
to events and then meta-state (make meaning) about them - and that can produce limiting
beliefs, anxiety and even Depression. (See 'Can vMEMES cause Clinical Depression'
in the Articles pages for more about this.)
So all too easily we end up in a vicious
(and depressing!) spiral of unhealthy beliefs hindering our abililty to cope with
life and skewing the way we make sense of things - all of which lead us to formulate
even more unhealthy beliefs about ourselves and the world around us.
So
it's a massive relief…
...to know that we don't always have to be victims of our own
limiting beliefs—and we can change!
Firstly, any belief statement can be meta-modelled to test its rationality and to
find the values and root beliefs which underpin it. (I once destroyed a sales manager's
belief that he couldn't speak in public simply by asking him what his evidence was
for that belief!)
However, we all know that often deep emotions can't be swayed by logic and rationale—
no matter how seemingly watertight the logic is. Worse still, some limiting beliefs
are partly-rooted in our innate temperament. (No wonder so-called 'conventional counselling’
is often only partially effective!)
Fortunately leading psychotherapists and NLP strategists such as L Michael Hall and
Penny Parks are developing new ways of working with the Unconscious Mind. While the
pioneering work in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) of the likes of Judith Beck
and Rob Willson has addressed means of improving the way an individual's biology
affects their mental processes. And there is still much to be said for Sigmund Freud’s
Psychoanalytical approach.
Through working with sub-modalities and implanting new suppositions, using exercises
like the Trauma Cure, the Mistaken Belief Visualisation and various Timelining, Reframing
and Behavioural activities, it is possible to at worst control, hopefully neutralise
and sometimes even delete inappropriate beliefs. These can then be superceded with
new positive and enabling beliefs.
While, of course, we can't alter the inescapable facts of unfortunate and/or traumatic
events in our past - what happened happened! - it is possible to change the way we
feel about them and the meaning we attribute to them. Equally, science has yet to
find a way of totally altering someone's natural-born temperament; but it is possible
to teach people how to assume and live out far-more satisfying modes of behaviour.
If you think deep-rooted beliefs can't be changed...well, consider how strongly young
children believe in Santa Claus. Yet very few still believe by the time they are
teenagers. First we teach them to believe. Then we teach them not to believe.
Of course, changing beliefs is not always easy. Remember how many children protest
and cry when they are first told Santa is just a story?!?
People freed from debilitating limiting beliefs often experience quite remarkable
and very rapid personal development. Quite often this improves areas of their lives
they didn't think were affected by what they thought was the problem!
As NLP co-developer Richard Bandler once said, "It's never too late to have a happy
childhood!"
What
does Treatment involve?
My Personal Therapy techniques - which draw primarily on NLP
but also sometimes use elements of CBT and the Psychoanalytical approach, based on
the complementary psychological maps of Spiral Dynamics, Dimensions of Personality
and Neurological Levels - usually provide highly effective results. Occasionally
people have found their issue can be dealt with in a single one-hour session.
However, the more complex the problems the more likely multiple sessions will be
required. The majority of clients require 2-3 sessions over 1-2 months. Occasionally
treatment may require more sessions. It is unusual for treatment programmes to require
more than 6 sessions.
The first 30 minutes or so of your initial consultation will be a free diagnostic,
without obligation to proceed. From the diagnostic, I will advise what I believe
the problem to be, what treatment is appropriate and an estimate of how many sessions
I believe will be necessary. Sessions are normally charged at £30 + VAT (£36) per
hour. (Payment is at the end of each session unless otherwise agreed.)
In the unlikely event that I can't help you or you choose not to proceed, there will
be no charge. Where appropriate, I may recommend you to seek help from practitioners
with different approaches and/or competencies to mine.
Some clients will benefit from post-treatment support. As an option, I offer upto
5 hours per month support by telephone and e-mail for a flat fee of £50 + VAT (£60).
If the client still feels support is necessary after 6 months, I will suggest another
appointment to re-examine the issues.
From the Services menu you can access 6 examples of Personal Therapy work. They have
been carried out either as part of a management development coaching programme or
as private consultations. The names of the participants have been changed to protect
confidentiality and certain potential 'giveaway' peripheral information has been
altered also. The backgrounds of the participants and the effects of the therapies
are related as the clients described them to me. The analytical tools I used and
the therapeutic techniques described are exactly as I used them.
"Remember: it's normal to have problems. It's abnormal to let your problems become
pathological."
- Dr Ichak Adizes
Why
suffer? Get in contact now!
