When it comes to how they deal with others, children, like adults, tend to think in patterns which can be predicted by those with a trained eye. These patterns will vary depending on who they are dealing with, when, where and about what. However, core patterns tend to hold until the young person is so dissatisfied they are ready for major change.

Patterns of attitude and behaviour are often clearly established by the end of Key Stage 2 (11 years old) and may be well on the way to formation by the end of Key Stage 1 (7 years old).

Patterns such as:-

• the Avoider - the kid who seeks to avoid all unpleasantness, is often shy and introverted and may even avoid all unnecessary contact with others
• the Flamethrower - in many cases an insecure bully, this child blames everyone else and, in the right circumstances, will seek to dominate entire groups of other children - being liked doesn't matter, getting what you want does
• the Zealot - often a gang leader, this kid tries to forces everyone else in to their way of thinking
• the Ideologue - the child who is concerned with being fair and seen to do 'what's right', regardless of whether anyone actually benefits directly from it
• the Moderate - showing some maturity, this kid will listen to other's views and may even moderate their own to some degree in light of what they say
• the Pragmatist - the kid who will be everybody's 'best friend' as long as that can help them get what they want - typically the 'befriended' get dumped when they've outlived their usefulness
• the Conciliator - this young person is prepared to make some sacrifices to get what's really important to them
• the Compromiser - this kid's mantra is that everybody gives up what they want individually for the benefit of all - not often seen in children below 16
• the Collaborator - this decidedly mature viewpoint encourages big picture thinking that not only ensures everyone benefits both individually and collectively but that decisions are ecologically sound

This approach draws on Spiral Dynamics, the investigations of Lawrence Kohlberg - eg: 1963, 1986 - into the development of morality in children and the mapping of conflict modes by Robert Blake & Jane Mouton (1964) and Ken Thomas & Ralph Kilmann (1977).

Dealing with Other Kids - Children's Version
1/2-day workshop for Key Stage 3 and 4 students. May also be used with Years 5 and 6.
Students map their own patterns, are invited to consider adopting other patterns and are given strategies for dealing with other students using patterns they find difficult to handle.

This workshop should be facilitated in conjunction with the school's pastoral workers.

Dealing with Other Kids - Pastoral Workers & Teachers' Version
1-day workshop for teachers and those involved in pastoral support.
Teachers learn how to identify patterns and how temperament may predicate patterns. They learn strategies for handling patterns themselves and for passing onto students who are struggling to express themselves in an appropriate way.